Eat, Pray, Die (An Eat, Pray, Die Humorous Mystery Book 1) by Chelsea Field

Author:Chelsea Field [Field, Chelsea]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: JFP Press
Published: 2016-07-03T05:00:00+00:00

14

Seven hours later, I was sitting outside my apartment cradling a cup of tea. The building didn’t have any balconies. It wouldn’t have suited the cement box look the builder must have been going for. But I’d dragged a chair out onto the external stair landing, added the obligatory potted plant (a cactus that needed zero maintenance), and called it close enough.

I watched the passing traffic with bleary eyes and counted up how many days it would be before I caught up with my loan payments so I could justify buying a coffee machine. I missed good coffee. I needed good coffee. There were a few shops popping up in LA that served it thanks to the large emigrant population from Europe and other civilized places that knew what real coffee was. As a student, I’d managed to visit one such place often enough to survive. As a Shade at the mercy of Connor’s poor taste in coffee, I was thinking of poisoning him myself.

The answer was sixty-six days. Eighty if I wanted to pay rent in the meantime.

So, I could eschew logic, buy a coffee machine now, and take an extra two weeks to pay off my overdue payments, or I could kick my coffee habit. I wasn’t sure which was more likely to be the death of me.

To put off the decision, I searched for decent local coffee shops on my smartphone. Maybe I’d catch a break and find one not too far off the route to Connor’s.

Footsteps coming up the stairs interrupted my focus. A huge mountain of a man reached the landing and headed straight for me. He looked like the Hulk, only he was tan instead of green, and he was wearing a shirt.

All of a sudden I understood why balconies were better than stair landings. Balconies were private. I’d gotten out of bed, pulled on some sweats, made a cup of tea, and come right out here, which meant my hair had to be sticking up in all directions in its best electrocuted zombie impersonation. I patted it down as well as I could before he reached me.

“If you’re looking for Oliver, I’m afraid he’s still in bed. He worked late last night.”

“That’s okay, I was looking for you,” the Hulk said with a big smile.

I patted my hair some more—nobody was ever that happy to see me. “What can I do for you, Mr.—?”

“Black. I’m here on behalf of Platypus Lending.”

I forgot about my hair and focused on the long, jagged scar down his left cheek.

On the one hand, it made him look even more menacing. On the other, it gave me some hope because it meant he must have screwed up at least once.

“Your first name doesn’t happen to be Bruce does it?” I asked.

Mr. Black looked confused.

“Uh, never mind. The point is you seem like a nice guy.” My voice was squeakier than I’d hoped. “Have you ever been married?”

“Yep. Still am. Our ten-year anniversary’s coming up actually.” His manner was relaxed, as if he had all the time in the world.

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